New Paradigm Thoughts

these things

2005-02-20T09:56:00.000-08:00

leaves of
lava
bread of
Christ
jewel of
the nile
sat. night
parties
silver
watches
lonley old
ladies
dishevelled
devils
popcorn n'
pizza
guns and
ammo
rental cars
ashphalt
little dandilions
trying
to rise up
little deaths
at dawn
and births
in the
dusk

no listener

2005-02-20T09:51:00.000-08:00

the wind howls
but everyone
watches
television

in the grocery stores of the world!!!!....

2005-02-15T07:22:00.000-08:00

All the grocery stores and all the shelves and all the fruit and all the drinks and colors and packaging make for a good sight if you look with clean and innocent eyes again. The apple juice I need has only one left and is far at the back of the shelf. Though tall I cannot reach so look back and around for luck from the angels in case they are there and test the shelf and find the right footing and jump up and reach back no go though. Second try I make it with complete precision and think yes a little victory in an all too grey world. I'll take my little victory. And its a big sale at the store the only problem is that everyone has the same idea and hordes and masses and and I get tired of being anxiuos and say yes, I am just an organism trying to get something for the refridgerator like everyone else. Just blood and bones and all the grand thoughts in the world are maybe just that, all the grand thoughts...So thats the way it went and I understand my grandfather's(god rest his soul) enthusiasm for sales and the grocery store becasue once you learn a few lessons in life you get humbled unless you are very rich which I am not. Some of these lessons are not to cheap out on certain items like toilet paper or kleenex and that cheese is always expensive and you've gotta suck that one in and milk is really perhaps a nectar of the gods and bananas are popular with most and when they have these two for one pork roasts and the like get it if you can and onion and garlic can go a long way in a world where pasta has saved my empty stomach many times and I've learned to love yogert but won't pay more than 70 cents for it ever only the cheap kind for me and raison bread thick cut with butter and toasted is the trick. People buy celebrity magazines because there is always hope for a better future and houses like that and so forth. I feel more comfortable amoundg the working class jeans and t-shirt folk or even lower statums than that than any other. And half of those check-out girls are so cute with their dark eyes, handsome uniforms, and cordial ways and when I addressed the worker in the bread aisle as sir he was pleased I could tell and went an extra mile for me in helping me find the right bagels and called me sir too...see I am determined to bring some light however small to this heavy vibed place we call life, and a smile can go a long way and I am learning I am learning I am determined to live this life somehow and I am determined to uncover goodness amoung many rotten apples yes a pun intended!...

what's w/the fucking driving thing?

2005-02-14T16:43:00.000-08:00

what is with the fucking driving thing anyways. who made the rule that everyone has to turn into a n asshole when they get behind the wheel. where are you going so fast and in such a hurry. these people must be very important people, the elite even...they are so important that they get to break the rules and endanger other people while doing it. I wonder at the places they go and the people they meet and and the things they have to do. it surely has to do with the salvation of the earth and nothing less important. why else would you tail me so close to my bumber in the dark in the rain in a residential neighborhood with plenty of families just before dinner time on slippery streets and so on... this is just one example. and I figure whoa! it must be an emergecny of some sort or a the HEAT in an unmarked car or something that warrents my pulling over to allow them to pass. but no, its not MAN its just some fucking yuppie type in a leased something or other that is one of those important people. and the thing is that this fucking broad (no fingers gestures or anything, not even a bad stare on my part)-thats too dangerous in this day and age,...this fucking broad gets MAD THAT I PULLED OVER TO LET HER PASS and takes the time (i should feel honored actually)...to pull her car over after a hateful venomous glare as if to say if you do that to call me on it i am going to tail you again, but home was there at that time and me and Zaidie just pulled in and the bitch drove off. Now there are a lot of ways to look at it and a lot of ways it could play out when someone is making you uncomfortable when you are jnust trying to follow the rules. But, hey, I just pull over and let these idiots pass...let them do their thing, whatever that is, but it burns me to no end that when you forget and allow and remain as passive as possible and get walked all over and such that these people get even more mad. I just don't get it, I really don't and thats not false sarcasm or anything. that mindset is foriegn to me. so I wish all these drivers would calm down. they are going to hurt themselves and/or worse, some innocent unsuspecting person. so again, what's w/ the fucking driving and happy valentine's day and may your fruit be rotten and your toes grow fungus and have a wonderful night and fuck you friend...

Happy Valentine's Day for Tara!!!!....

2005-02-14T12:05:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day Tara! What to say to a a woman who has it all? All the laundry in the world to do and all the work of taking care of all of us that is!. We love you very much and even if we did not we would not have a clue w/out you as to what to do. You are the root and the rock and the wise one and the nurturer. We are the mess makers you are the care taker! Here is to you and all that you do and all that you are. I am the luckiest guy in the world and though I have always loved you I find my love getting more mature and stronger and it has a bigger depth in the last few years and espescially now. And you are a unique Virgo-Queen also. I mean, who else could trip over their own two feet or scream that loud at the sight of a tiny spider ten metres in the distance. Maraca Momma, Virtuous Vixen, Potty-Mouthed Saint, Gorgeous as Ever! You are the best there is and I've seen a few so here's from a luckey boy and here is to you,... I made a deal w/ cupid to sling you with his arrow for me a long time back and that little guy gave me the benifit of the doubt and said yes...
How luckey I am!...

what the hell is going on????....

2005-02-13T21:57:00.000-08:00

Well I wonder what the hell is going on anyways... THe world is so big and the world is so full of billions of people, veritably billions of souls. Yes its easy to be a legend in one's own mind but wouldn't it be nice if we could all find our own true voice and sing in tune with the cosmiic dancers of the infinite universe. So reaching out into the cyber world and into the real world and into worlds of mind and dreams and dreams of dreams and past and wanton futures... I've learned quickly that no matter how sugary the allure looks of promising what nots - it could be woman writing food places et cetera you name it one thousand and one diversions goals and mountains to climb...it always comes back to the real thing for the said person, and if it is writing for example then its writing and if its painting and if its whateve...if its real for you than nobody can take that away. So what starts as passion and turns to great achievements should end as passion again, even if its before the race is won. The great fisherman would do well to end pack at the local pond just sitting and waiting for a little perch or sunfish. The days roll on and we consume so much and what do we give and should we give and how much money time effort love lust will it take to save the world. Maybe the world is spinning spinning spinning...I am sure of that, that its a spinning faster than it ever was before. There is the desire to attain the unattainable and even knowing that the relaxing of this effort might be the only way to attain we have to follow the program and attain anyway until attaining runs itself out its perhaps the only way. So it goes and on and on. The thing is set in motion for all to live through. Its all divine and its all sublime but its hard to remember sometimes when you get tired or anxious. Its good to try to actually do something be it writing or bird house-making or something so what the hell. I'll never forget watching James Dean in Rebel W/Out A Cause on a rerun a few months ago when he and his race car rival looked over the cliff and Dean says, Why do we do this? and the guy says - I don't know, You gotta do something, right? So on and on it goes, sleeping and writing and reading and thinking, Jesus !- thinking backwards and forwards and in circles...
why are people so mean ruthless catty full of changes and lies and double talk and left handed compliments and envy and judgements...why can't we all get along ...cliche yes but so true... I always wished I could become a born again Christian or a cult member or a radio star or a poet or a something or other but I am a NIHILIST at heart and do not beleive just do not believe and just can't fake it. But hope springs eternal and the sun seems to rise every morning so there is work to be done and if good things have ever happenned to anyone then they can happen again so we have to keep going and play the law of averages. We are better that way, we are left to ascribe the meaning to our lives and this is the biggest thing isn't it. Its up to you and its up to me and its up to the little green elf in the tree singin' Zaidie Da Zaidie Dee...

lovers lapdancers losers

2005-02-08T19:25:00.000-08:00

this lap-dancer

in a kilt w/ sex

in her eyes told

me that when

you get really sick

you think about

the people

you love

I had a book

(I always had a book then)

and she said

that it was cultish

and that everything

is a cult even the

things she had

enjoyed

were a cult

she said her

father had made some

poor investments and

that she was trying

to help him and

that she was

'...not in a good place...'

when I left

the street out

side was the same

as when I came...

busy, moving,

indifferent and

somehow

too

big

on sale

2005-02-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

I bought this dictionary

for two ninety-five

and have looked up

five words so far

none of which were

there

And they were

not hard words

just middle of the

road words

I think they only

gave me two ninety-five

worth of words

I should write

to someone

everything is

a racket

a rip-off

a con

its a disposable world

my friend

and the more profound

you try to be

the more they'll

laugh

allow us our moon

2005-02-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

Gurdjief said

man is food for

the moon

its because so

many poets and

the like mention

the moon

but the moon

looks nice hanging

there like

that

and is it made of

cottage cheese

and is there a little

man on it

we need some diversion

from mediocrity

and the six o'clock news

we can't all crash

our cars on death

rides on purpose

like Mr. Gurdjief

to help expand ourselves

so allow us

our moon

we're just

trying to

have a little

fun

Test

2005-02-08T11:12:00.000-08:00

Test